I May Have Let You Go, But You Shall Forever Be My Child

I know it’s the natural course of life for children to age, but as a parent I look back and wonder how come they grow up so fast?! It appears though that I on the other hand do not seem to be growing older, well at least in appearance to other people. Most new people I meet express complete amazement when they 1^st learn how many children I have, 2^nd the age of my oldest child, and 3^rd that I am older than 40.

Truth be told, my oldest turned 21 today. I wish I could celebrate with him, but alas he is 2600+ miles away and I am left to emails, pictures, and memories and his face on a stick at our breakfast celebration. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Two years ago I attended the last Harry Potter movie.  I believe I may have been the only one in the movie theater crying. I had enjoyed the books and then the movies.  Harry had been there while I was raising Jordan and I didn’t want those moments in time to end, but Jordan had just graduated the month before.  Harry and Jordan had grown up together.  From a 1^st grader plopped on my bed as we read the first Harry Potter book.  Each book thereafter, Jordan devoured. The movies began when Jordan and Harry were about the same age, so they both lived thru their teenage years at the same time.  So yes I didn’t want the Harry Potter movies to end, just as I didn’t want Jordan to graduate and begin a life as a college student and adult away from home.

As a parent, you quickly learn life is not about what you want, part of parenting is learning to let go.  It’s a process, not always easy, but there is no turning back the clock, or slowing time, nor stopping kids from growing up.  Letting go began long before Jordan turned 18 and graduated from high school.  When Jordan, who was almost six and starting Kindergarten, decided he would walk to school by himself.  He did not need me to come with him.  We lived close enough to the school, that he could do this, but he ensured me he knew the way and would be fine.  I wanted to help him.  As the first day of school approached, he consented that he still needed his Mom and that I could walk him to end of the street, that was all he needed.

In the middle of his 1^st grade year, we moved to Arizona.  He was upset he had to miss even 1 day of school, as we had to drive from Utah to Arizona.  On a Friday, I took him to his new school, and again I let him go.  He knew no one, and I worried, but I let him go.

As a junior in high school, Jordan was asked to participate in the Every 15 Minutes Program, which consisted of a staged drunk driving accident, and other students participated by being taken from class and obituaries read (the students who participated spent a night away from home and then were reunited at the school with friends and family the next day).  In preparing for him to participate, I wrote an obituary.  I imagined what it would be like to actually let him go, never from my heart, never from our eternal family, but from life itself.

            A life was cut short today, Jordan Ray Oborn, also known as “Utah” to his classmates and coaches, passed away at the age of 17 on March 23, 2010, following injuries sustained in a fatal car accident.

He was born October 2, 1992 to Raymond and Kimberly Oborn.  He has three younger brothers, Aaron, Jacob, and Jonathan, and two younger sisters, Annalisa and Abigail.  He is also survived by his grandparents, Mildred Oborn, of Murray, Utah and Timothy and Carolyn Noyce of South Jordan, Utah.

Jordan was a junior at Lincoln High School, a member of the Fighting Zebras varsity football team, a great student, almost an Eagle Scout, and the best son parents could ever ask for.  He was a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  He had a great love for life, for learning, and for people.  He accepted each time his parents moved and had lived in Utah, Illinois, Arizona, Indiana, Colorado, and California.  He was an avid University of Utah fan, and would dress daily as a Ute fan.

He was preparing for his future – looking forward to college and going on a mission.  He wanted to be an inventor or entrepreneur and imagined himself coming up with a great discovery.  He was kind, respectful, determined to succeed, a hard worker, and an awesome son!  He will surely be missed.

Then again, I had to let go.  This time for two years as he left to serve a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in Guatemala.  Again as I anticipated letting go, I turned to writing:

There I see a missionary embarking

To preach the Gospel to all who will listen

Far from home and family,

But protected by a loving Heavenly Father.

There I am… a mother kneeling

At the side of the bed

Praying to God to bless this son

For I love this young man as only a mother can.

“Please God. Protect my child.

Let him never feel all alone.

Be by his side when he is in need

And guide his hand to do Thy work.”

There I am… a smiling mother

Though tears run down my face

I feel privileged to be called his Mother,

But now I let him go and hand him over to God.

Yes, I have had to learn to let go, and I am continually learning that lesson, as one by one his siblings get closer and closer to that day when they will venture forward.  No matter where my children go in life, I may physically let them go, they may at times be 2600 miles away, but they will never be forgotten for I hold onto memories in my mind and feelings of love and tenderness in my heart. I pray I have given them the ability to fly on their own and they know that each of them shall forever be my child.