The words blurred on the page. I placed my fingertips on my temples
attempting to rub the headache away. I avoided reading regular print because my
squinting eyes tired of the strain in deciphering the written word. I knew I needed glasses to see more clearly. Upon completion of my eye exam, my doctor
informed me that not only did I require glasses for reading, but my long
distance vision was also affected. The
dreaded idea of bifocals was discussed, but I refused to have a line across the
lenses, so gratefully I chose the option of a gradual variation in the lenses.
My new glasses allowed me to see without squinting and straining to see what I
knew was there; but I hadn’t been able to see clearly.
My thoughts blurred in my head. I placed my fingertips on my
temples attempting to the rub the headache away. I avoided discussing my
innermost thoughts because my trembling heart tired of the strain of trying to
overcome my weaknesses. I knew I needed new lenses to see more clearly. For
years, unbeknownst to most people, I have worn glasses. Not glasses you can see with the human eye.
Not glasses that improve blurry vision. These glasses caused problems, not
eliminated them. The lenses in these
unknown, invisible glasses clouded my perception because I saw through lenses
of my weaknesses.
For the first time in my life, I have finally replaced those
lenses and now I see through the lenses of my strengths. The difference is amazing! The change is mind blowing! The transformation is empowering!
I thought I was destined to constantly battle my
self-esteem. I thought I would never
overcome my discouragement and frustration at my failings. I thought my tendency to be critical of
myself, to doubt my worth, to take things personally, and to be too defensive
were personality quirks that just were part of me.
Looking through the lenses of weaknesses is a downward
spiral and when I would spiral downward it was difficult to pull myself out of
that pit. I would get frustrated with my
children. I would then critically judge how I reacted. I would then despair believing that my
reaction determined that I was a bad mom.
Feeling like a bad mom, I would either become more upset or want to hide
and not face my challenges. My husband
would try to help and counsel me, but because I didn’t believe that I was good
mom, I didn’t believe him. At times I would become defensive. If there was an issue that needed to be
addressed, I would have a difficult time looking at it because I would think,
well my child is having this problem, which means I am a bad mom. I couldn’t take criticism. I couldn’t evaluate a situation without
wondering how I played a role.
How do I change a personality flaw that I have known about my
entire life? Sure, others can compliment
or give advice, but the change has to come from within. That change came for me when I changed my
lenses. I now see through lenses of my
strengths. This change didn’t come overnight. It’s actually been a subtle
change over this past year, that I didn’t know at first that I was changing, As I have learned about
my strengths, as I have learned how to apply those strengths, I have been
changing. And one day I just realized, Wow!
I didn’t get defensive when a family member asked me a question. I could evaluate an issue with a child
without resorting to a harsh judgment of my parenting skill. I am handling issues without making the
problem all about how it affects me. I see more clearly because I see through
the lenses of my strengths and that has made a significant impact on my
life. Doubt, discouragement, despair are
no longer my companion. I am no longer
fighting to overcome my weaknesses, but I am standing tall because I have
strengths that I am learning from. I am
learning what I am good at. I am
learning what I need to work on. I can focus on what I need to change without immediately falling into despair.
