Balance and Peace Comes From Within Ourselves-- A Much Better Way to Live Life!

The difference is amazing!  The change is mind blowing!  The transformation is empowering!

This quote sums up the change that I see in myself.  I want to shout from the rooftops and declare that when life brings challenges, when we are overcome by difficult trials, when day-to-day stresses bear down upon us and we want CHANGE, that the greatest way to bring change into our lives is from within ourselves.  We have the POWER we need to change. Right inside of ourselves.  Just look, it's there.  Trust me.

I have a new sense of balance and peace and harmony.  Not because life is taking it easy on me, Not because I found way to be a perfect parent. Not because I am in control of all that occurs around me. But because I found the tools I needed to change my thought processes. I have kicked despair, disappointment, and discouragement out the door and I fight hard not to let them back in because they have no place in my soul. I am determined to avoid allowing the dreadful "d" words to invade my mind. I shall no longer invite them in.

I feel balanced. In my mind, I am no longer fighting myself.  In my relationships with others, I strive to focus less on me.  As I shift my focus to meeting the needs of others, an interesting paradox occurs -- my needs are met and I am happier.  When I think of self-centeredness, I picture a small circle with just me in it, and where everything outside the circle should revolve around me.  As I move away from worrying about me, guess what?!  The circle becomes bigger, but I am still part of the circle -- even the center of the circle, but my circle is big enough to encompass more than just me. I wrap my arms around others, bring them in, and I am whole.

Not only mentally do I see a change, but physically I feel the difference.  I can catch myself when I start reverting back to the "I am unhappy with myself, so I am going to react negatively to those around me." I lecture my children less.  I am more patient. My stress level has drastically reduced. I want to smile more, I want to walk with a spring in my step, I want to be encompassed from my head to my feet with a sense of peace and contentment. As one who has battled feelings of negative self-worth for so very long, it is so nice to have won that battle!

In my moments of negative thinking, I would turn to God for help.  I feared I tired God of constantly praying for the same thing.  Some days I just wanted to throw in the towel.  On one particular day, as I lay upon my bed full of frustration and discouragement, this thought came into my mind as if God was speaking to me.  "I made you stronger than this." I have always had a clear understanding that God loved and cared about me, so I always held on, but I couldn't seem to find a way to overcome my despair. I finally have --yes God, I see the person you made.

I am on a new journey to become a life coach, a strengths coach. To help others find their way.  To share the tools that I have found useful. My true self is no longer clouded by my weakened perceptions. I am becoming who God wants me to become.  I love my life. I will take the challenges and the difficulties that come my way.  I am stronger today--as God intended me to be. I love feeling balanced and peaceful. Trust me, it's a much better way to live life!

The easiest route is not always the best path to take

I do not possess a roadmap illustrating the twists and turns and forks in the road that exist in my life, but sometimes I wish I could see all that lays ahead of me. Instead, I have stood at forks in the road trying to choose which path to take. Even though I tried to choose correctly, occasionally that path leads to grief and pain and insurmountable difficulties.  In my mind, I have wondered if I could have seen where this road would lead, would I have picked this path? This wasn’t the shortest route or the quickest route, and definitely not the easiest route. 

Along that chosen journey, I eventually discovered that the easiest, shortest, quickest route was not the path I needed to take.  It is thru the challenges of life that I have discovered who I am and that the road I prayerfully picked was where I found God– going before me, standing beside me, and guiding me from behind.  Obviously, if I knew the challenges I would confront on that road, the natural man in me would declare – I will take the easier road.  But God said – the easier road will not get you to where I want you to go.  If the way was easy, I would not have needed God and sure I may get there faster, but I’d would not have overcome challenges or come closer to God.

There is a tendency in life to blame God, to curse God, and to declare that it is God’s fault that I am on a difficult path, the path that originally I felt was right. At times I want to declare that it is not fair that this chosen path is full of ruts and steep climbs. I have a choice –do I stay with God or do I pull over and let Him off and figure I could do better on my own and that I alone will find the easier road.

Luckily, it’s not my first steep climb I have been on. So I look back to the other forks in my life’s journey and I see that God was there then, so I look for Him now.  I look back and I see that previous challenges have shaped a better person. I am on a journey to become who God wants me to be.  It is not an easy or simple path.  It’s not the path I would necessarily have picked if I had prior knowledge to what I would face, but it’s the path that in hindsight has refined me.  I am better off today having taken the difficult journey.  I have learned to trust God, no matter what happens.  I will go where God will have me go.  I will do what God will have me do.  I turn my life over to Him.  He has been there before. He is with me now.  I am not alone. I am not afraid of the forks in the road, of the steep climbs, of the journey that lays ahead just beyond the visible bend in the road. I am on the journey back to God and that is the only road I want to take.

Seeing Clearly -- The Difference is Amazing!

The words blurred on the page. I placed my fingertips on my temples attempting to rub the headache away. I avoided reading regular print because my squinting eyes tired of the strain in deciphering the written word.  I knew I needed glasses to see more clearly.  Upon completion of my eye exam, my doctor informed me that not only did I require glasses for reading, but my long distance vision was also affected.  The dreaded idea of bifocals was discussed, but I refused to have a line across the lenses, so gratefully I chose the option of a gradual variation in the lenses. My new glasses allowed me to see without squinting and straining to see what I knew was there; but I hadn’t been able to see clearly.

My thoughts blurred in my head. I placed my fingertips on my temples attempting to the rub the headache away. I avoided discussing my innermost thoughts because my trembling heart tired of the strain of trying to overcome my weaknesses. I knew I needed new lenses to see more clearly. For years, unbeknownst to most people, I have worn glasses.  Not glasses you can see with the human eye. Not glasses that improve blurry vision. These glasses caused problems, not eliminated them.  The lenses in these unknown, invisible glasses clouded my perception because I saw through lenses of my weaknesses.

For the first time in my life, I have finally replaced those lenses and now I see through the lenses of my strengths.  The difference is amazing!  The change is mind blowing!  The transformation is empowering!

I thought I was destined to constantly battle my self-esteem.  I thought I would never overcome my discouragement and frustration at my failings.  I thought my tendency to be critical of myself, to doubt my worth, to take things personally, and to be too defensive were personality quirks that just were part of me.

Looking through the lenses of weaknesses is a downward spiral and when I would spiral downward it was difficult to pull myself out of that pit.  I would get frustrated with my children. I would then critically judge how I reacted.  I would then despair believing that my reaction determined that I was a bad mom.  Feeling like a bad mom, I would either become more upset or want to hide and not face my challenges.  My husband would try to help and counsel me, but because I didn’t believe that I was good mom, I didn’t believe him. At times I would become defensive.  If there was an issue that needed to be addressed, I would have a difficult time looking at it because I would think, well my child is having this problem, which means I am a bad mom.  I couldn’t take criticism.  I couldn’t evaluate a situation without wondering how I played a role. 

How do I change a personality flaw that I have known about my entire life?  Sure, others can compliment or give advice, but the change has to come from within.  That change came for me when I changed my lenses.  I now see through lenses of my strengths. This change didn’t come overnight. It’s actually been a subtle change over this past year, that I didn’t know at first that I was changing, As I have learned about my strengths, as I have learned how to apply those strengths, I have been changing. And one day I just realized, Wow!  I didn’t get defensive when a family member asked me a question.  I could evaluate an issue with a child without resorting to a harsh judgment of my parenting skill.  I am handling issues without making the problem all about how it affects me. I see more clearly because I see through the lenses of my strengths and that has made a significant impact on my life.  Doubt, discouragement, despair are no longer my companion.  I am no longer fighting to overcome my weaknesses, but I am standing tall because I have strengths that I am learning from.  I am learning what I am good at.  I am learning what I need to work on.  I can focus on what I need to change without immediately falling into despair.

My vision is no longer cloudy.  I see clearly and because I see through the lenses of my strengths. I like what I see. I am not straining anymore trying to picture my worth. I am a Child of God with God-given talents.  I don’t need someone else to confirm that. I found those strengths within myself.  I had them all along. I am no longer working to overcome my weaknesses, but I am striving to make my strengths stronger.  I believe in myself.  I know who I am. The difference is amazing!  The change is mind blowing!  The transformation is empowering!

How I Came to Appreciate the Dreaded Task of Buying New Tires

I finally took my Yukon into the store for new tires.  The Beast, as our Yukon is affectionately called, did not seem happy, and the low tire sensor was determined to constantly remind me that there was at least one tire slowly losing air.  Truth be told, I dislike buying tires.  The need for tires never comes at a convenient time and the cost of the tires drastically outweighs the benefits I see of having new tires.  The tire store employee checked over the tires and agreed that the four current tires had used up their usefulness.  He commented to me, “I don’t know how you survived the winter?!”  “Well,” I replied, “It wasn’t without a little slipping and sliding.” I had prolonged the agony of the purchase of tires, but it was time.

An hour or two later, the Beast was ready to go…no more constant indicator light on the dashboard, and I drove away with a happier and balanced car, as I noticed my ride just became smoother. I would be ready for the eventual icy and snowy roads that a Minnesota winter would bring. We had known the Beast needed new tires, but we had put it off.  Not only did the Beast demand tires with actual tread, our other car screamed that it was out of alignment, unbalanced, and treadless, so within a month we were putting new tires on our two vehicles.

In the midst of fixing the treadless tires, I discussed with my husband my personal challenges and I expressed to him this sentiment – that my tread was being worn down, that I was feeling unbalanced with the weight upon my shoulders.  He said, “Well, it’s a good thing we are going to the temple tomorrow. That will be like getting new tires.”

As I reflected upon this idea, my mind changed towards what new tires mean to a car and the analogy of what spiritual renewal does to my soul. When I drive down the road, I see numerous cars – fast cars, expensive cars, fuel-efficient small cars, hardy SUVS, new and old cars, and even Minnesota-winter rusted cars.  Regardless of what the car may look like on the outside, I can not tell at 65 mph or even 30 mph, what the condition of the tires are for each of those cars—will the tread on those tires carry them for another 65,000 miles, or is the tread worn down that ice, or rocks, or potholes could easily send the car scurrying off the paved road. I can not judge the tires by the condition of someone’s car just as I can not judge a person’s heart or spirit by what I see on the outside of their soul.

Our task isn’t to evaluate who needs new tires or whose heart is in the right place (worrying about tires for my own cars and worrying about fixing my own soul is enough). We simply need to look inward and decide – is our heart softened enough, is our spirit strong enough, balanced enough, full of enough spiritual air that we will be carried, that our ride will be smooth, that we will be able to move through storms, roadblocks, and icy patches of life, without finding ourselves being forced off of the paved road.

I don’t want to get to the end of the road of life and be told, “I don’t know how you survived life?!” The Beast was unhappy, was unbalanced, and was crying out that it needed help.  I don’t want to go through life just slipping and sliding  -- I want to feel balanced, I want to know that my ride will be safer and smoother even when “hail and mighty storm[s] shall beat upon [me]”

I may have put off a new tire purchase, forgotten to rotate my tires, failed to get  my alignment checked and didn't add more air to my tires, but somehow barely squeaked by through my first Minnesota winter, but the balancing of my heart and my spirit requires constant care.  The more challenges that wear down my tread, the greater need to add spiritual air, fix my balance, and add new spiritual strength.  I only have one body, one spirit to carry me through.  I can’t go trade me in for the newest model, or the perfected one with all the fancy bells and whistles.  I must accept me, accept my limitations, fix what can be fixed and keep moving forward, avoiding dead ends and wrong turns, and strive to make my ride more balanced and smoother with constant spiritual renewal. That is how I will get through the craziness and struggles of life.  That is how I will survive life!

A Forever Family, that Eternal Bond Makes Life Worth Living

Last summer was anything but relaxing.  In between moves, we spent the summer with family.  Beset by many challenges and with my family scattered, I focused on putting pieces of our move together and dealing with many stresses.  As I needed a break from the constant personal challenges, my young children and I began our Harry Potter Marathon, watching Harry grow from the insecure 11 year old, to the angry 15 year old, to the confident and determined 17 year old.  I loved reliving Harry's life again (as Harry had been an important part of my boys'  childhood) and I felt sad when our Movie Marathon ended.  As I watched Harry Potter defeat Lord Voldemort for the last time and thinking of Jordan, miles away serving a church mission in Guatemala, I realized yes my son’s childhood and living under our roof has ended, but time can not erase all I taught him, it can not erase my love for my son, it can not erase my memories.  For “…help will always be given to those who ask for it….Words are… our most inexhaustible source of magic, capable of both inflicting injury and remedying it…. Help will always be given to those who deserve it…Pity all those who live without love.”  (Quoting a wise Dumbledore)

Thank you Harry.  I  learned once again that life is always worth living when you love others and when others love you – no matter the challenges or struggles we face –its all worth it, if we don’t have to face it all alone. Children grow older, we let them go, even though we would rather hold on longer, but my love for them shall never cease. And may my children know, that no matter what, they do not have to face life alone because they have a family who loves them.  We may not be a perfect family, we may not always get along, conflicts may arise, but we are a forever family, and that eternal bond makes life worth living.

Out of My Comfort Zone, and Into a Whole New Me

I stepped out of my comfort zone to be the Project Manager on our house we just built.  I felt nervous wondering if I was up to this challenge.  It was beyond anything I had ever done before.  There may have been those who questioned our decision to build our house since we possessed little knowledge and experience in home building.  But as we have moved many times across many miles to new surroundings, I felt that I had overcome fear of going into the unknown.

 We did not have a General Contractor or a builder.  Ray had a friend who jumpstarted us and talked us into this project. A couple months into building, I basically took over – and I was the one on the front lines – meeting the subs at the house, helping resolve issues, calling and setting up appointments, and meeting the workers at the house. Ray and I made a great team.  He helped with the technical issues and we worked together to resolve the problems.  We would definitely build again, but I think we shall enjoy this house for a very long time.

In this process of building our house, I discovered a Whole New Me.  I absolutely loved making decisions and the process of picking out the interior items—not only was I the Project Manager, I also was the Interior Designer. I loved walking into a store, looking at all my options, narrowing them down and then ultimately making the choice of what product to buy. I liked working and talking with people.  I learned I was a good problem solver, as I would focus on finding solutions, not on getting angry at the problem or deciding whom to blame.  When I didn’t know the answer to the technical issues, I would ask questions and discuss with others until I could comfortably make a decision. I discovered people enjoyed working with me. Since my efforts to focus on the solution, respond quickly to calls and emails, and to make prompt decisions, I created good working relationships with the subs.  Giving respect and being quick to respond are traits that in turn allowed others to respect me even though most of them knew that I was new at this whole building process. 

I loved building.  It was at times daunting and time-consuming, but I loved the process.  Maybe its all those puzzles I have put together or math problems I have solved, but I am always about finding solutions and completing the job.  And in the end, we have an awesome house.  We were able to do something incredible.  In only 5 months and most of those being winter months, we did it!

I jumped into this project hoping I was up to the challenge.  And I discovered a whole new me.  I didn’t know that I had the traits necessary to lead the building of a house. It’s not easy to step out of your comfort zone, but for me it was so worth it.  I am a new person with a new sense of confidence and new skills. I have a house I love.  All I can say is WOW!