I Shouldn't Be A Mover

My husband and I calculated the number of times we have filled out a Change of Address form and counted 15 in the past 25 years.  Yes, that is a crazy way to live life that has come with some sacrifices and some challenges.  There are two things about me that cause me to say to myself, “I Shouldn’t Be A Mover.”  My number one strength is Connectedness and I value the connections I have with others, so moving usually has a negative effect on my relationships as distance makes friendships harder to maintain.  The other is that moving requires a certain amount of being adaptable, yet my bottom strength is Adaptability. There have been times living in a new place when I have felt lonely and discouraged.  There have been times when it's necessary to adjust to change and the strength of being flexible and adaptable would be very helpful.

But a shift in perspective is all that is required to change the way I view the challenges of moving.  In our numerous moves and a new understanding of how to look at a situation from a Strengths perspective, there are two things about me that cause me to say to myself “I Excel at Being a Mover.”  My strength of Connectedness when used as a strength helps me build relationships with others – I like to draw people into my life, I like to learn from others, and I value friendship.  Because of my desire to connect and also knowing that I’m frustrated when I am missing connections, I look and try to find those who need to feel a connection.  This has created some tender moments when I forget my need for connection and instead I focus on what another person needs.  The interesting thing is the effect this has on me – I then feel connected.  One move when I was feeling particularly discouraged, I had a distinct impression that there were others who felt the same way and as I reached out to create friendships, my attitude changed and I created some dear friendships and had some wonderful moments spending time with my friends.

Most people are surprised when knowing about the number of moves we have made, they expect that I would be Adaptable.  I’m really not.  I despise not having a plan.  As a fellow coach said, instead of going with the flow, we “plan” for the flow. I draw upon my strength of Strategic and Focus and I always have a plan. For me without Adaptability, I'm frustrated when I feel as I if am flying in an airplane hovering, not knowing where I will land. I want to be able to see in the distance my landing strip. Now, that plan may change, but I don’t wait and see what happens – I willingly spend a lot of energy and time to find my landing strip. Thus when moving to a new state, I spend a significant amount of time researching on the internet and narrow our choices of where to move even before I step a foot into that state. With our last move, when our house wouldn’t sell, but we needed to move in time for school to start, it became a daily effort to figure out strategically how to make that happen.  With only two weeks before school started, the plan finally came together.

My need to connect and my inability to be adaptable should prevent me from being a mover.  Instead of seeing those as weaknesses which cause me discouragement and frustration, I see them as strengths that require me to find a way to excel at moving. It’s merely looking at the challenges of life in a way that I can say “I Know What I am, I Know What I’m Not, and Both are Okay,” and then I use my strengths to make my life great even though moving is definitely challenging. And instead of grumbling, “I Shouldn’t Be a Mover,” I happily proclaim, “ I Excel at Being A Mover!”

If There is One Thing I Know For Sure...When I Seek God, I Find Him

If there is one thing I know for sure, moving is difficult.  10 moves across seven states in 20 years, I should be an expert. It is a constant adjustment for our family and our children have been required to start in new schools and make new friends, time and time again.  Yes, it’s a crazy life, and sometimes, I tire of the constant change and sometimes, I relish in starting anew.

If there is one thing I know for sure, our moves are full of complications.  The pieces of a move rarely just fall into place, sometimes houses won’t sale quickly, sometimes we become unintentional landlords, sometimes the first and perfect house we try to buy doesn’t work out. Often we reach about Plan Z (or we simply quit counting) because it is a constant effort to figure out all the details and strategically, we must find a way over the hurdles.  Our destinations change – instead of moving to Flower Mound, Texas we moved to Southern Cal.  Instead of moving to Medford, New Jersey, we found a different job in Minnesota. Instead of rolling to a stop in Minnesota and living in our dream house we built, we now say, “Umm, that was just a “rolling stop.” There are times we have struggled to fit in to our new surroundings, but usually we hate to say good-bye because we have developed such good friendships. There always seems to be little problems that arise, that though they are minor, the magnitude is increased simply because these problems are added on to an already full plate.

If there is one thing I know for sure, even with all the challenges brought on by moving, God is in the details of each of the moves. He goes before me, (because eventually things fall into place, and we figure out the plan, and it seems as if God knew all along what would happen).  Sometimes, it turns out better than we had expected.  As someone told us, “God is rarely early, but never late!” God knew I love peace and solitude and that’s what I want in a backyard.  Good size backyards are difficult to find in the city we just moved to, but we found a last-minute rental (since our house was still for sale and we needed to move before the new school year) with a great backyard with trees, a local walking trail behind our backyard and lots of open space to look upon.

If there is one thing I know for sure, God has walked beside me through our trials.  There were days when things would get too difficult and I didn’t know if I could handle it, because over this last year, we have literally bounced from one challenge to the next, at times with little chance to catch our breath.  When I would pray for help because it was too hard, God wouldn’t take the challenge away, but I would be blessed with a sweet tender mercy that would carry me onward.

If there is one thing I know for sure, it has been because I question “God, do you hear my cry?”  or “God, I don’t know the next step to take?” or “God, please help me.”, that I have learned to trust and believe.  I am better off seeking God than going at my life alone. That doesn’t mean it is always simple to believe.  I have had challenges that have taken my breath away and kicked my feet out from under me.  I have questioned God as to the “why” of the challenges. But the questions become a desire to find God and find answers. The process of falling down and finding a way to rise becomes an incredible experience because it’s through that painful journey that I find peace, hope, and the ability to stand back up.

If there is one thing I know for sure, though moving has not been easy, and our family has had struggles because of moving, I would not change my life because I have come to know that God is mindful of me and my family. He has been there in my time of need. How grateful I am to know that when I seek God, I find Him!

Balance and Peace Comes From Within Ourselves-- A Much Better Way to Live Life!

The difference is amazing!  The change is mind blowing!  The transformation is empowering!

This quote sums up the change that I see in myself.  I want to shout from the rooftops and declare that when life brings challenges, when we are overcome by difficult trials, when day-to-day stresses bear down upon us and we want CHANGE, that the greatest way to bring change into our lives is from within ourselves.  We have the POWER we need to change. Right inside of ourselves.  Just look, it's there.  Trust me.

I have a new sense of balance and peace and harmony.  Not because life is taking it easy on me, Not because I found way to be a perfect parent. Not because I am in control of all that occurs around me. But because I found the tools I needed to change my thought processes. I have kicked despair, disappointment, and discouragement out the door and I fight hard not to let them back in because they have no place in my soul. I am determined to avoid allowing the dreadful "d" words to invade my mind. I shall no longer invite them in.

I feel balanced. In my mind, I am no longer fighting myself.  In my relationships with others, I strive to focus less on me.  As I shift my focus to meeting the needs of others, an interesting paradox occurs -- my needs are met and I am happier.  When I think of self-centeredness, I picture a small circle with just me in it, and where everything outside the circle should revolve around me.  As I move away from worrying about me, guess what?!  The circle becomes bigger, but I am still part of the circle -- even the center of the circle, but my circle is big enough to encompass more than just me. I wrap my arms around others, bring them in, and I am whole.

Not only mentally do I see a change, but physically I feel the difference.  I can catch myself when I start reverting back to the "I am unhappy with myself, so I am going to react negatively to those around me." I lecture my children less.  I am more patient. My stress level has drastically reduced. I want to smile more, I want to walk with a spring in my step, I want to be encompassed from my head to my feet with a sense of peace and contentment. As one who has battled feelings of negative self-worth for so very long, it is so nice to have won that battle!

In my moments of negative thinking, I would turn to God for help.  I feared I tired God of constantly praying for the same thing.  Some days I just wanted to throw in the towel.  On one particular day, as I lay upon my bed full of frustration and discouragement, this thought came into my mind as if God was speaking to me.  "I made you stronger than this." I have always had a clear understanding that God loved and cared about me, so I always held on, but I couldn't seem to find a way to overcome my despair. I finally have --yes God, I see the person you made.

I am on a new journey to become a life coach, a strengths coach. To help others find their way.  To share the tools that I have found useful. My true self is no longer clouded by my weakened perceptions. I am becoming who God wants me to become.  I love my life. I will take the challenges and the difficulties that come my way.  I am stronger today--as God intended me to be. I love feeling balanced and peaceful. Trust me, it's a much better way to live life!

The easiest route is not always the best path to take

I do not possess a roadmap illustrating the twists and turns and forks in the road that exist in my life, but sometimes I wish I could see all that lays ahead of me. Instead, I have stood at forks in the road trying to choose which path to take. Even though I tried to choose correctly, occasionally that path leads to grief and pain and insurmountable difficulties.  In my mind, I have wondered if I could have seen where this road would lead, would I have picked this path? This wasn’t the shortest route or the quickest route, and definitely not the easiest route. 

Along that chosen journey, I eventually discovered that the easiest, shortest, quickest route was not the path I needed to take.  It is thru the challenges of life that I have discovered who I am and that the road I prayerfully picked was where I found God– going before me, standing beside me, and guiding me from behind.  Obviously, if I knew the challenges I would confront on that road, the natural man in me would declare – I will take the easier road.  But God said – the easier road will not get you to where I want you to go.  If the way was easy, I would not have needed God and sure I may get there faster, but I’d would not have overcome challenges or come closer to God.

There is a tendency in life to blame God, to curse God, and to declare that it is God’s fault that I am on a difficult path, the path that originally I felt was right. At times I want to declare that it is not fair that this chosen path is full of ruts and steep climbs. I have a choice –do I stay with God or do I pull over and let Him off and figure I could do better on my own and that I alone will find the easier road.

Luckily, it’s not my first steep climb I have been on. So I look back to the other forks in my life’s journey and I see that God was there then, so I look for Him now.  I look back and I see that previous challenges have shaped a better person. I am on a journey to become who God wants me to be.  It is not an easy or simple path.  It’s not the path I would necessarily have picked if I had prior knowledge to what I would face, but it’s the path that in hindsight has refined me.  I am better off today having taken the difficult journey.  I have learned to trust God, no matter what happens.  I will go where God will have me go.  I will do what God will have me do.  I turn my life over to Him.  He has been there before. He is with me now.  I am not alone. I am not afraid of the forks in the road, of the steep climbs, of the journey that lays ahead just beyond the visible bend in the road. I am on the journey back to God and that is the only road I want to take.