If There is One Thing I Know For Sure...When I Seek God, I Find Him

If there is one thing I know for sure, moving is difficult.  10 moves across seven states in 20 years, I should be an expert. It is a constant adjustment for our family and our children have been required to start in new schools and make new friends, time and time again.  Yes, it’s a crazy life, and sometimes, I tire of the constant change and sometimes, I relish in starting anew.

If there is one thing I know for sure, our moves are full of complications.  The pieces of a move rarely just fall into place, sometimes houses won’t sale quickly, sometimes we become unintentional landlords, sometimes the first and perfect house we try to buy doesn’t work out. Often we reach about Plan Z (or we simply quit counting) because it is a constant effort to figure out all the details and strategically, we must find a way over the hurdles.  Our destinations change – instead of moving to Flower Mound, Texas we moved to Southern Cal.  Instead of moving to Medford, New Jersey, we found a different job in Minnesota. Instead of rolling to a stop in Minnesota and living in our dream house we built, we now say, “Umm, that was just a “rolling stop.” There are times we have struggled to fit in to our new surroundings, but usually we hate to say good-bye because we have developed such good friendships. There always seems to be little problems that arise, that though they are minor, the magnitude is increased simply because these problems are added on to an already full plate.

If there is one thing I know for sure, even with all the challenges brought on by moving, God is in the details of each of the moves. He goes before me, (because eventually things fall into place, and we figure out the plan, and it seems as if God knew all along what would happen).  Sometimes, it turns out better than we had expected.  As someone told us, “God is rarely early, but never late!” God knew I love peace and solitude and that’s what I want in a backyard.  Good size backyards are difficult to find in the city we just moved to, but we found a last-minute rental (since our house was still for sale and we needed to move before the new school year) with a great backyard with trees, a local walking trail behind our backyard and lots of open space to look upon.

If there is one thing I know for sure, God has walked beside me through our trials.  There were days when things would get too difficult and I didn’t know if I could handle it, because over this last year, we have literally bounced from one challenge to the next, at times with little chance to catch our breath.  When I would pray for help because it was too hard, God wouldn’t take the challenge away, but I would be blessed with a sweet tender mercy that would carry me onward.

If there is one thing I know for sure, it has been because I question “God, do you hear my cry?”  or “God, I don’t know the next step to take?” or “God, please help me.”, that I have learned to trust and believe.  I am better off seeking God than going at my life alone. That doesn’t mean it is always simple to believe.  I have had challenges that have taken my breath away and kicked my feet out from under me.  I have questioned God as to the “why” of the challenges. But the questions become a desire to find God and find answers. The process of falling down and finding a way to rise becomes an incredible experience because it’s through that painful journey that I find peace, hope, and the ability to stand back up.

If there is one thing I know for sure, though moving has not been easy, and our family has had struggles because of moving, I would not change my life because I have come to know that God is mindful of me and my family. He has been there in my time of need. How grateful I am to know that when I seek God, I find Him!

Balance and Peace Comes From Within Ourselves-- A Much Better Way to Live Life!

The difference is amazing!  The change is mind blowing!  The transformation is empowering!

This quote sums up the change that I see in myself.  I want to shout from the rooftops and declare that when life brings challenges, when we are overcome by difficult trials, when day-to-day stresses bear down upon us and we want CHANGE, that the greatest way to bring change into our lives is from within ourselves.  We have the POWER we need to change. Right inside of ourselves.  Just look, it's there.  Trust me.

I have a new sense of balance and peace and harmony.  Not because life is taking it easy on me, Not because I found way to be a perfect parent. Not because I am in control of all that occurs around me. But because I found the tools I needed to change my thought processes. I have kicked despair, disappointment, and discouragement out the door and I fight hard not to let them back in because they have no place in my soul. I am determined to avoid allowing the dreadful "d" words to invade my mind. I shall no longer invite them in.

I feel balanced. In my mind, I am no longer fighting myself.  In my relationships with others, I strive to focus less on me.  As I shift my focus to meeting the needs of others, an interesting paradox occurs -- my needs are met and I am happier.  When I think of self-centeredness, I picture a small circle with just me in it, and where everything outside the circle should revolve around me.  As I move away from worrying about me, guess what?!  The circle becomes bigger, but I am still part of the circle -- even the center of the circle, but my circle is big enough to encompass more than just me. I wrap my arms around others, bring them in, and I am whole.

Not only mentally do I see a change, but physically I feel the difference.  I can catch myself when I start reverting back to the "I am unhappy with myself, so I am going to react negatively to those around me." I lecture my children less.  I am more patient. My stress level has drastically reduced. I want to smile more, I want to walk with a spring in my step, I want to be encompassed from my head to my feet with a sense of peace and contentment. As one who has battled feelings of negative self-worth for so very long, it is so nice to have won that battle!

In my moments of negative thinking, I would turn to God for help.  I feared I tired God of constantly praying for the same thing.  Some days I just wanted to throw in the towel.  On one particular day, as I lay upon my bed full of frustration and discouragement, this thought came into my mind as if God was speaking to me.  "I made you stronger than this." I have always had a clear understanding that God loved and cared about me, so I always held on, but I couldn't seem to find a way to overcome my despair. I finally have --yes God, I see the person you made.

I am on a new journey to become a life coach, a strengths coach. To help others find their way.  To share the tools that I have found useful. My true self is no longer clouded by my weakened perceptions. I am becoming who God wants me to become.  I love my life. I will take the challenges and the difficulties that come my way.  I am stronger today--as God intended me to be. I love feeling balanced and peaceful. Trust me, it's a much better way to live life!

The easiest route is not always the best path to take

I do not possess a roadmap illustrating the twists and turns and forks in the road that exist in my life, but sometimes I wish I could see all that lays ahead of me. Instead, I have stood at forks in the road trying to choose which path to take. Even though I tried to choose correctly, occasionally that path leads to grief and pain and insurmountable difficulties.  In my mind, I have wondered if I could have seen where this road would lead, would I have picked this path? This wasn’t the shortest route or the quickest route, and definitely not the easiest route. 

Along that chosen journey, I eventually discovered that the easiest, shortest, quickest route was not the path I needed to take.  It is thru the challenges of life that I have discovered who I am and that the road I prayerfully picked was where I found God– going before me, standing beside me, and guiding me from behind.  Obviously, if I knew the challenges I would confront on that road, the natural man in me would declare – I will take the easier road.  But God said – the easier road will not get you to where I want you to go.  If the way was easy, I would not have needed God and sure I may get there faster, but I’d would not have overcome challenges or come closer to God.

There is a tendency in life to blame God, to curse God, and to declare that it is God’s fault that I am on a difficult path, the path that originally I felt was right. At times I want to declare that it is not fair that this chosen path is full of ruts and steep climbs. I have a choice –do I stay with God or do I pull over and let Him off and figure I could do better on my own and that I alone will find the easier road.

Luckily, it’s not my first steep climb I have been on. So I look back to the other forks in my life’s journey and I see that God was there then, so I look for Him now.  I look back and I see that previous challenges have shaped a better person. I am on a journey to become who God wants me to be.  It is not an easy or simple path.  It’s not the path I would necessarily have picked if I had prior knowledge to what I would face, but it’s the path that in hindsight has refined me.  I am better off today having taken the difficult journey.  I have learned to trust God, no matter what happens.  I will go where God will have me go.  I will do what God will have me do.  I turn my life over to Him.  He has been there before. He is with me now.  I am not alone. I am not afraid of the forks in the road, of the steep climbs, of the journey that lays ahead just beyond the visible bend in the road. I am on the journey back to God and that is the only road I want to take.

Seeing Clearly -- The Difference is Amazing!

The words blurred on the page. I placed my fingertips on my temples attempting to rub the headache away. I avoided reading regular print because my squinting eyes tired of the strain in deciphering the written word.  I knew I needed glasses to see more clearly.  Upon completion of my eye exam, my doctor informed me that not only did I require glasses for reading, but my long distance vision was also affected.  The dreaded idea of bifocals was discussed, but I refused to have a line across the lenses, so gratefully I chose the option of a gradual variation in the lenses. My new glasses allowed me to see without squinting and straining to see what I knew was there; but I hadn’t been able to see clearly.

My thoughts blurred in my head. I placed my fingertips on my temples attempting to the rub the headache away. I avoided discussing my innermost thoughts because my trembling heart tired of the strain of trying to overcome my weaknesses. I knew I needed new lenses to see more clearly. For years, unbeknownst to most people, I have worn glasses.  Not glasses you can see with the human eye. Not glasses that improve blurry vision. These glasses caused problems, not eliminated them.  The lenses in these unknown, invisible glasses clouded my perception because I saw through lenses of my weaknesses.

For the first time in my life, I have finally replaced those lenses and now I see through the lenses of my strengths.  The difference is amazing!  The change is mind blowing!  The transformation is empowering!

I thought I was destined to constantly battle my self-esteem.  I thought I would never overcome my discouragement and frustration at my failings.  I thought my tendency to be critical of myself, to doubt my worth, to take things personally, and to be too defensive were personality quirks that just were part of me.

Looking through the lenses of weaknesses is a downward spiral and when I would spiral downward it was difficult to pull myself out of that pit.  I would get frustrated with my children. I would then critically judge how I reacted.  I would then despair believing that my reaction determined that I was a bad mom.  Feeling like a bad mom, I would either become more upset or want to hide and not face my challenges.  My husband would try to help and counsel me, but because I didn’t believe that I was good mom, I didn’t believe him. At times I would become defensive.  If there was an issue that needed to be addressed, I would have a difficult time looking at it because I would think, well my child is having this problem, which means I am a bad mom.  I couldn’t take criticism.  I couldn’t evaluate a situation without wondering how I played a role. 

How do I change a personality flaw that I have known about my entire life?  Sure, others can compliment or give advice, but the change has to come from within.  That change came for me when I changed my lenses.  I now see through lenses of my strengths. This change didn’t come overnight. It’s actually been a subtle change over this past year, that I didn’t know at first that I was changing, As I have learned about my strengths, as I have learned how to apply those strengths, I have been changing. And one day I just realized, Wow!  I didn’t get defensive when a family member asked me a question.  I could evaluate an issue with a child without resorting to a harsh judgment of my parenting skill.  I am handling issues without making the problem all about how it affects me. I see more clearly because I see through the lenses of my strengths and that has made a significant impact on my life.  Doubt, discouragement, despair are no longer my companion.  I am no longer fighting to overcome my weaknesses, but I am standing tall because I have strengths that I am learning from.  I am learning what I am good at.  I am learning what I need to work on.  I can focus on what I need to change without immediately falling into despair.

My vision is no longer cloudy.  I see clearly and because I see through the lenses of my strengths. I like what I see. I am not straining anymore trying to picture my worth. I am a Child of God with God-given talents.  I don’t need someone else to confirm that. I found those strengths within myself.  I had them all along. I am no longer working to overcome my weaknesses, but I am striving to make my strengths stronger.  I believe in myself.  I know who I am. The difference is amazing!  The change is mind blowing!  The transformation is empowering!

How I Came to Appreciate the Dreaded Task of Buying New Tires

I finally took my Yukon into the store for new tires.  The Beast, as our Yukon is affectionately called, did not seem happy, and the low tire sensor was determined to constantly remind me that there was at least one tire slowly losing air.  Truth be told, I dislike buying tires.  The need for tires never comes at a convenient time and the cost of the tires drastically outweighs the benefits I see of having new tires.  The tire store employee checked over the tires and agreed that the four current tires had used up their usefulness.  He commented to me, “I don’t know how you survived the winter?!”  “Well,” I replied, “It wasn’t without a little slipping and sliding.” I had prolonged the agony of the purchase of tires, but it was time.

An hour or two later, the Beast was ready to go…no more constant indicator light on the dashboard, and I drove away with a happier and balanced car, as I noticed my ride just became smoother. I would be ready for the eventual icy and snowy roads that a Minnesota winter would bring. We had known the Beast needed new tires, but we had put it off.  Not only did the Beast demand tires with actual tread, our other car screamed that it was out of alignment, unbalanced, and treadless, so within a month we were putting new tires on our two vehicles.

In the midst of fixing the treadless tires, I discussed with my husband my personal challenges and I expressed to him this sentiment – that my tread was being worn down, that I was feeling unbalanced with the weight upon my shoulders.  He said, “Well, it’s a good thing we are going to the temple tomorrow. That will be like getting new tires.”

As I reflected upon this idea, my mind changed towards what new tires mean to a car and the analogy of what spiritual renewal does to my soul. When I drive down the road, I see numerous cars – fast cars, expensive cars, fuel-efficient small cars, hardy SUVS, new and old cars, and even Minnesota-winter rusted cars.  Regardless of what the car may look like on the outside, I can not tell at 65 mph or even 30 mph, what the condition of the tires are for each of those cars—will the tread on those tires carry them for another 65,000 miles, or is the tread worn down that ice, or rocks, or potholes could easily send the car scurrying off the paved road. I can not judge the tires by the condition of someone’s car just as I can not judge a person’s heart or spirit by what I see on the outside of their soul.

Our task isn’t to evaluate who needs new tires or whose heart is in the right place (worrying about tires for my own cars and worrying about fixing my own soul is enough). We simply need to look inward and decide – is our heart softened enough, is our spirit strong enough, balanced enough, full of enough spiritual air that we will be carried, that our ride will be smooth, that we will be able to move through storms, roadblocks, and icy patches of life, without finding ourselves being forced off of the paved road.

I don’t want to get to the end of the road of life and be told, “I don’t know how you survived life?!” The Beast was unhappy, was unbalanced, and was crying out that it needed help.  I don’t want to go through life just slipping and sliding  -- I want to feel balanced, I want to know that my ride will be safer and smoother even when “hail and mighty storm[s] shall beat upon [me]”

I may have put off a new tire purchase, forgotten to rotate my tires, failed to get  my alignment checked and didn't add more air to my tires, but somehow barely squeaked by through my first Minnesota winter, but the balancing of my heart and my spirit requires constant care.  The more challenges that wear down my tread, the greater need to add spiritual air, fix my balance, and add new spiritual strength.  I only have one body, one spirit to carry me through.  I can’t go trade me in for the newest model, or the perfected one with all the fancy bells and whistles.  I must accept me, accept my limitations, fix what can be fixed and keep moving forward, avoiding dead ends and wrong turns, and strive to make my ride more balanced and smoother with constant spiritual renewal. That is how I will get through the craziness and struggles of life.  That is how I will survive life!