Week #2: Marriage Trends and Divorce

This is written for the current college class I am taking. Though this week, our discussion was on Marriage Trends and Divorce--the focus of this blog is ways to strengthen the family which is important to strengthen and help marriages and the same principles identified in this blogpost can apply to marriages.

President Spencer W. Kimball declared, “Many of the social restraints which in the past have helped to reinforce and to shore up the family are dissolving and disappearing. The time will come when only those who believe deeply and actively in the family will be able to preserve their families in the midst of the gathering evil around us.” (Ensign, Nov. 1980, 4.)

President Gordon B. Hinckley said, “Never before, at least not in our generation, have the forces of evil been so blatant, so brazen, so aggressive as they are today. Things we dared not speak about in earlier 3 times are now constantly projected into our living rooms. All sensitivity is cast aside as reporters and pundits speak with a disgusting plainness of things that can only stir curiosity and lead to evil…The home is under siege. So many families are being destroyed…Sisters, guard your children. They live in a world of evil. The forces are all about them.”

As a parent of teenagers, I have found it is not always easy to guard my children and protect them from the evil that surrounds us.   The enemy is real and determined to win and parenting comes with challenges. I have found strength and courage through fortifying my family, protecting them, fighting evil when necessary, and calling in reinforcements to help me and my family.  

FORTIFY--"strengthen (a place) with defensive works so a to protect it against attack."

We fortify and strengthen our homes by increasing our power to fight against evil. A source of power can be found in following gospel principles.  When dark clouds gather and evil beckons at our door, we may feel at a loss of how to protect our families, and so simply holding onto hope has been helpful.  HOPE that our families can stand strong, that God will watch over our families, and that we can endure our trials with patience and confidence.  When dark clouds gather and evil tosses its fiery darts, faith can be a reassurance.  FAITH that we are not alone, faith that our children will find their purpose by holding steadfast to goodness and light. When dark clouds gather, and evil threatens to destroy our peace, prayer provides a great comfort. For in PRAYER, we find peace, we find the ability to keep battling and we find that God is always there. When dark clouds gather, and evil tries to tear our children away, the Spirit of God whispers to us how to help, protect, and raise our children.

PROTECT--"keep safe from harm or injury."

We protect and keep our family safe when we gather them together and make our children a priority.  Memorable moments come when our families spend TIME together, (for my family that may be a simple Saturday morning hike, or a night at the movies, or a beautiful sunny afternoon at the ballpark, or a Sunday evening seeing who can win at our favorite pool game.) Spending time with our children helps them to know they are loved and cared for—in being remembered they will feel protected.  We protect and keep our family safe when we listen.  LISTEN to their dreams, their disappointments, their funny stories, and their greatest joys.  We protect and keep our family safe when we STRENGTHEN and BUILD up our children.  Each child comes with unique and varied strengths.  If we can help our children to develop those strengths and worry less about where they fall short, we will help our children learn to stand strong.

FIGHT--“to engage in battle; attempt to defend oneself against or to subdue, defeat, or destroy an adversary.”

At times parents are caught in a tug-of-war. Evil pulls at our children and we stand on the other side pulling back. Children have a right to choose, but we can do all in our power to help and teach our children. Though evil may be enticing, there is freedom that comes from making good choices. Our homes are under attack, as parents we can lead the cause and fight to save and protect our children.

CALL FOR REINFORCEMENTS--“Additional personnel or equipment sent to support a military action.”

We receive help to fight this war when we call for reinforcements.  We receive strength and support from church leaders who offer wise counsel. We receive strength and support when teachers take our children under their wing and set an example for them to follow. We receive strength and support when family members—siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins accept and encourage our children to be the best they can be. We receive strength and support when friends recognize the greatness in our children, even when sometimes that greatness is hidden.  We receive strength and support when professionals assist us in helping ourselves and children when we can’t find our way through.

Though we may wish we didn’t live in a world of ever increasing wickedness and evil, we can rest assured and find renewed strength to face the battle between good and evil.  Through righteous living, we can FORTIFY our homes.  In our efforts to guide, teach, and love our children, we can PROTECT them.  As parents, we are blessed with STRENGTH to stand and FIGHT—for we are entrusted with a special responsibility to do all in our power to return God’s children to Him.  Thankfully, we do not battle alone, but our army increases as we call in REINFORCEMENTS—and we find church leaders, teachers, family members, and friends heeding our call and joining us in our battle to save our children. We can be encouraged as parents that though we may be surrounded by evil, we can help our children find their way through the darkness.

I Choose to Love Where I Am

A common question I am asked is, “With all the places that you have lived, what place has been your favorite?”  People are surprised when I indicate that I do not have a favorite and I refuse to do so.  I do clarify that Utah will always be home because both my husband and I were raised there, we have lived there a few different times in our married life, and much of our family still reside in Utah.  Yet, I have learned as I have been required to adjust many times that I need to look for the positive and not dwell on the differences of each place, so I refuse to declare a favorite place.  Granted some moves and adjustments have been harder than others, but if I focus solely on what used to be or how great a previous place was, I struggle harder in finding joy in a new place.

Change is never easy and sometimes I want to blame moving for challenges, but as I have learned, what positive or negative thoughts are in my head influence my attitude, my perception, and my behavior. I consciously choose to find the good and be patient with change. Moving requires us to start over—my children haven’t always been able to compete in the same sport from their previous home, new schools do things differently, and the search for new friends is at times heartbreaking and difficult. I am unable to replace the same job, or follow the same course of action, so I reinvent my new plan. 

When our typical time in one place is two years, much of the time is spent adjusting to a new move or preparing for the next.  Yes, it’s a crazy way to live life—I have said that before—but I have had the privilege of struggling to accept a move and coming to love a new place.  Also, moving is always an adventure, and there is never a dull moment when trying to figure the logistics – finding where to settle and figuring out the plan for the previous house.  But I love the challenge and I know God is watching over my family and will be there to help.

I choose to love where I am.  It is a conscious choice, and in doing so, I find joy in living.  It is not putting on rose colored glasses and ignoring the difficult challenges. Instead it’s a matter of giving space for the heartache, deciding how to make a difficult situation better, and finding a way to make things better.

For example, in one move, my girls were struggling to make friends and unhappy.  One day as I did laundry, I felt inspired to help them and we created the Friendship Club and would invite friends over for various activities. In that same move, I also felt I was missing strong connections.  It occurred to me as I prayed one day, that there may be others who also felt lonely, so my friend and I began to plan Girls Nights Out and I did my best to reach out to new people who moved in.  I came to love that place and it was one of the hardest places to leave.

For me, many of my challenges and struggles come with moving, but each of us will face a variety of difficult situations and circumstances.  We can’t always determine what happens as many things are out of our control.  Finding joy in living doesn’t come from a perfect life, but from finding the way through life’s obstacles, developing the strength to endure, and discovering the power to choose our response.

Strength to Move Mountains Part 2 "Stronger, Braver, Bolder, & Tougher"

To learn to trust God can be a difficult task.  At times, there is an expectation that by choosing to follow God and making right choices that all will fall into place and there will be less of a struggle.  My husband and I have always sought God’s assistance when we faced a job change and/or move to another state. We wanted to do what God would have us do.  But so many times, we would struggle with selling a house and finding the right house.  Plan A became plan B, followed by plan C, until at times, we simply stopped counting the number of changes we would make in planning a move.

It could have been easy so many times to give up on God and believe he didn’t care about our family, but with every move, every struggle, every changed plan, we would always find a way through, and would witness God’s guiding hand creating miracles on our behalf.

The story of Moses’ efforts to free the Israelites from Egypt is a similar story.  God asked Moses directly to go to Egypt, speak to Pharaoh, and bring the Israelites out of Egypt to the promised land.  Knowing that Moses was following God’s will, he may have hoped for a quick resolution, and that with a little persuasion, he could convince Pharaoh to let the people go. But the task proved to be very difficult.

The Israelites were not so quick to believe Moses could free them and following Moses’ first request to Pharaoh, they were weighed down with heavier burdens. Pharaoh refused to let them go, and to exert his power over them, he requested they make the same number of bricks as usual, but they were also required to gather their own straw first.  They blamed Moses for the extra demands placed upon them. Moses felt discouraged that he was unsuccessful, but God assured him that he would find success and the Egyptians would see the power of God and eventually, the Israelites would be freed from bondage.

Moses tried again, unsuccessfully, ten more times to request that Pharaoh free his people.  Pharaoh refused and would go back on his promises. Serpents, blood instead of water, frogs, lice, flies, the death of the cattle, boils, hail that rained fire, locusts eating all the fruit, and thick darkness affected the Egyptians because Pharaoh refused to grant Moses’s request. Finally, Pharaoh threatens Moses that the next time Moses sees Pharaoh will be his last. But it wasn’t Moses who would die, but all of the firstborn sons in Egypt, including Pharaoh’s son. And finally, Pharaoh could take no more, and demanded that Moses and all the Israelites leave. Moses gathered up the vast number of Israelites and led them safely away from Egypt.

There are many lessons to be learned from this story, including that there will be times in our lives where we know we are doing what God would have us do, but the path is difficult and we feel like we have failed ourselves or others.  We may feel that we can’t compete with more powerful people. We may even fear that we will never succeed. But as we see in the story of Moses freeing the Israelites, God will make all things possible, even the impossible. We can learn from Moses to be willing to trust God and have faith during great challenges, and though we can’t always see the eventual outcomes, we can remind ourselves that we need not fear, for God is in charge and He will help us find a way through our most difficult trials. Moses had feared the task was too much and he couldn’t stand before Pharaoh or the Israelites and make this happen. But if God can take Moses with stammering lips and a slow tongue more powerful then a great king of Egypt, then He certainly can take each of us and make us stronger than our weakness, braver than our fears, bolder than our enemies, and tougher than our trials!